Within your family tree, you should have at least two people for starters. I have said two people but some may say three! Note you have to make allowances for those who may not know one of their parents for various reasons. The two would be yourself plus a parent, usually your mother.
If only one parent is known at the time of your birth, you may need to check with siblings – that’s if you have any. The next step would be to look at siblings of the parent you know.
It may be easier if your parent and their siblings are living. If this is the case, sensitive questions may be asked to assist in finding who the other parent may be.
I say sensitive due to the issues where the family may not wish to discuss anything relating to the matter at hand. It may cause upset, friction and a question fired back at the enquirer, “Why do you want to know this?”
Please note: I am no expert on this subject. I am aware that when commencing research a good plan is needed as a starting point. There is no need to rush to your parent and ask who is my father (or mother)? Nor state in a harsh manner that they are hiding this from you. You would most likely get nowhere and any chance of finding anything may be lost.
The Plan.
What is the goal? (Note: It does not need to be who is my… This may be your final goal – come in at an angle where you may get hints.) You may have found a relative who is “on your side” and can assist with some of the planning.
Set out questions that relate to your goal. Set up a “safe” place where everyone is at ease. Make everyone comfortable. Remember do not push things – slow and easy.
If there is resistance – change the subject – Do NOT talk about the weather!
You may even have to politely end the chat and do it another day. Only you will know what is right. Please do not listen to anyone else.
Check out my previous blog “Secrets”. It was published on 24 March 2023. You may get some understanding of why things are the way they are…
I am sure it must be frustrating. How to find an answer to what you seek? Persistence is the key. Even when doing my own research, I leave the problem for a while and come back to it.
Another possible solution, so you can move on, is to talk to someone else – not necessarily on the same issue but who may see something that you may have missed.
Join a local family history society. If you do not live in the area where you are researching, contact a society in that area.
Ask questions, even if you think they may be “stupid”.
The “stupid” questions are the best ones…
Enjoy the journey.
Explore – Discover
Ancestor Family 